what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just invented taco cereal.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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