i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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