you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
