bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
