he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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