Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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