Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
