I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
