you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
