Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We don't watch enough power rangers
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
