Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if only i could text you this smell
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
