last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
