If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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