Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
