can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
