im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
