White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
