It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
