Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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