I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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