I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
