You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
