from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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