dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
