I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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