I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
