So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize