My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
