Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I need water and some morals
Randomize
