If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
