she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
