I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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