Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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