Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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