I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
