Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
