M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
