Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
