Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
