Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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