why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
