I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
