I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize