is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
