My room smells like vodka and shame
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
