And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
