fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
