I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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