Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
