My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
