Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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