you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize