thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
