God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
