Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
