She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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