Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
