I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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