Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
