All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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