Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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