Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize