I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
