I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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