Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
