I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
