i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize