Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
