Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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