i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
