Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
