I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize