is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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