my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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