I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
