I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
