You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
