I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize