I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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