apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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