I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize